Worst Jokes Ever

What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?

Uranus? More like urine is gassy! (Uranus is urine, by the way.)

Your fay.

Well, you're the thing that sunk the Titanic.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁

In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

What did the Cheetah say to the Lion?

"I'm a Cheetah!"

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.

What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

So I threw him out the window!

What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?

Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

What do you call a man with no legs?

Hangman.

Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.

Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.

Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)

One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

Google 'dancing Israelis'.

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?

Tug of whore.