Worst Jokes Ever

Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

Your hairline is as nonexistent as your dad.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

Why are handicap signs blue?

Because they're all Crips.

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror.

Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?

Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!

What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?

Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.

Why are orphans so bad at football?

assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.

Lol, this joke may not be funny, but what do you call your mom fat and emo?

What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.

If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.

Hi... I'm depressed.

Yo mama's so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.

You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.

You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!

You're so bald, I rub your head to see into the future.