Worst Jokes Ever
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
That autistic kid having sex for the first time:
"U The Hips, U The Hips!"
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have nobody to call "daddy."
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.
Stephen Hawking prefers rolls to slices of bread.
In 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
He sat on a rock, tickled his cock, until it turned red, white, and blue!
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
Girl: Dad, where are you?
Dad: I went to go get milk.
Girl: But we have milk.
Dad: I know, I just don't love you.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
Why did the teacher yell at the orphan?
Because he didn’t do his homework.
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!