Worst Jokes Ever
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?
They have no way home.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
What do you call a one-legged China man?
Ty Whon Shu.
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
Why do orphans get in trouble at school?
Because the school doesn't have any parents to report to.
You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.
What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash.
Yo momma's so fat, she was the iceberg in the Titanic.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is. :)
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
That autistic kid having sex for the first time:
"U The Hips, U The Hips!"
Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?
"No computers allowed on the test!"
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have nobody to call "daddy."
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
Why was the chicken screaming?
He had an egg stuck in his butt.