Worst Jokes Ever
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
...
Why do orphans hate hide and seek?
Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
Why do the Twin Towers have Elton John?
Because Elton "IS STILL STANDING".
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
What’s the LGBTQ national anthem?
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Harold Arlen.
I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"
She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"
I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"
The Earth used to be flat until they buried yo mama.