Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.

My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?

"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?

A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

Midget

Why don’t midgets wear tampons?

Because they’ll trip over the string.

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    • What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

    A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

    I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

    Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

    Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

    Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

    "The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

    The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

    "Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

    "Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

    The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

    "Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

    What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

    "Hey, today was great!"

    "What happened?"

    "I ran into my ex today."

    "What's so great about that?"

    "I was in my car!"

    I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

    Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

    Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

    You’re so fat,

    that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.

    What was going through the head of a 9/11 victim on the 88th floor?

    The 89th floor.