How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?
She didn't.
Worst Jokes Ever
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What is a rat's favorite dessert?
A chocolate mousse cake.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.
All of them.
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?
Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.
Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?
Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where the home is.
Also, what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.