Took Jokes

your mama so stupid she took a spoon to the Superbowl

we used to be the tallest buildings in new york...

then we took an arab to the knee

A couple enters a Chinese restaurant. Took their seats. The waiter asked ‘Xiang Chi Shen Ma’ and the wife said ‘Chi Ji Ba’

I used to work for a company called 69, my friend took over my position.

i took my brother vape and now he is on the ground gasping for air he acts like he is dying

I guess grandpa took the elevator to heaven. he definitely didn't make it up the stairs

My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away." the next time my Aunt visited she said "Where is you daughter?" my Mom said "I took your advice"

A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."

Today I Vance a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

John took a bath with bubbles. Bubbles was a man.

Trying to make jokes in 2020- 2021 be like:

Comedian : When she went infront of the tv it took an hour till you can see the screen again.

Adiance : Why you gotta be so offensive

Comedian : Im not tr-

Aidiance : Oh so now your trying to debate?

Comedian : I-

Adiance : Now your acting racist?!

Yo mama so stupid she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed and they all went to heaven. God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said,"I want to be handsome. " God granted his wish. The second guy said,"I want to be more handsome than the first guy.", God granted his wish. "The third guy said " I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish and this continued on and on until the 15 ugly guy.The ugly guy was laughing. Really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish

Someone kills a emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying. No one will suspect the killer was, anyone who took part.

Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Yo mama so fat it took your dad 8 years to cme back woth the milk

Dont take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you, as a joke

I took the trash to the recycling bin and two days later my mom told me asked me where’s your sister and I said in the recycling line to be turned into a bottle