Told jokes

Hello Honey Bunches, it's me, Your Narrator. I was told by my buddy youthpartorryan he's in the middle of a war... I may be super wholesome but war against my buddy? Ho ho ho, no! A STORM IS COMING. #BestFriends

One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?

Ground Beef.

I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.

I think she was pulling my leg.

Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

Little Johnny's dad was drunk and told him to grow up, and he said, "STFU, you need to be young, you big-ass bitch!"

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.

I said, "No, they don't have double doors."

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.