Told jokes

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

You know what I told my little brother plane?

Why did the students eat their homework?

Because the teacher told them it was a piece of cake!

I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

Somebody told me to type "Up" by Cardi B. So here it goes:

Up

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, I'm just a burden.