Told jokes
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
Somebody told me to type "Up" by Cardi B. So here it goes:
Up
I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.
He never came back the next day, says the local news.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯
A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"
I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher told them it was a piece of cake!
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.