Told jokes

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.

It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

I told a joke at a funeral, but no one laughed. One mf was ded though💀.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

Why did the students eat their homework?

Because the teacher told them it was a piece of cake!

Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯

A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"