Told jokes

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

A manager asked a black employee to work overtime. The employee initially agreed until he was told it would be without pay.

The employee responded with, "You know what happened last time my family worked for free?"

"What happened?" said the manager.

"A civil war."

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.

Yo mama so strict that when Ponyboy told her that Darry hit him, she called the cops on Darry.

You know what I told my little brother plane?

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

I saw Simba walking slowly.

I told him "Mufasa!"

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

Kid: I want to be like Batman.

Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.

Genie: I told you.

Kid: .............................................

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.

It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.