I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on fathers day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon"
Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash." Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔
I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate".
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID. Son (in a happy tone): I know. Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad? Son: Well yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
So I was being robbed and this guy had the gun to my head to i told him he was holding it backwards.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand. He said, But Dad I'm blind. Exactly
the teacher told me to put my MP3 away so i brought out my MP5, now that bitch knows what not to tell me
A man told his love interest she looked beautiful. And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him. And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny. Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
when i sh one day, my mother told me that it cuter her deep, we both found that very amusing
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt
