Told Jokes

My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes... ...I told him to lighten up.

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repletedly told him to look where he was going

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight, one recess we met together on the playground and she brought me to the corner of the playground, that was my first kiss and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police and they aressted my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson

If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

I got a orphan a Iphone 6 I told him to press the home button he has been doing it all day

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My sisters name is coco and one day she was funny so I told her you

Coconut

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

my friend was on wheelchair......he committed suicide yesterday, I remember when i met him last time he told us a good joke and i appreciated him and i told him to become stand up comedian.