One day I came home from school and said to my dad 'I got expelled from school today' he said ' how' I said I threw my book at the teacher' he asked why' I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can't hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. '
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
i a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
How did Helen keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
Wats the funniest thing u ever read? 4 me it wusz when rapboat told me he wuz a legit rapper.
the last thing i told my ex after we broke up was “at least we’re still cousins”😂
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
Chuck Norris told those three men how to climb trumps wall
Bully: "Nobody loves you." Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
