My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on fathers day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Bully: "Nobody loves you." Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say 'Thank God' and to stop the horse, to say ' Hallelujah'. The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled hallelujah and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said 'Thank God".
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon"
Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash." Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID. Son (in a happy tone): I know. Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad? Son: Well yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
So I was being robbed and this guy had the gun to my head to i told him he was holding it backwards.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand. He said, But Dad I'm blind. Exactly
the teacher told me to put my MP3 away so i brought out my MP5, now that bitch knows what not to tell me
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
