Thought Jokes

Why Did Michael Jackson call Boyz 2 Men ? He thought they were a delivery service

Today, I operated on a little girl, she needed O- negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O- negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “so when will I die”? she thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said “it’s a deer.” The other said it “No it’s a coyote.” The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.

why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?

because he thought that she would leave him to.

My dads the oldest and when he was young he shot my grandpas balls off but I thought about it how does my dad have younger brothers

I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

Today I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints, wow I’m so nice taking care of the disabled

I heard that my Crush got kicked in the Balls and when I thought of it...

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :) -> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game and here in this world we are here for each other although at times it might not seem like it. keep strong and you'll find the end of the tunnel but ending the pain and bieng gone just spreads depression.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after

(and you thought this would be a joke

Yo forehead so big NASA thought it was mars

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realised they didn't fit me around the waist so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waist of time.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike. Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would out and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle. It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.