Thought Jokes

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

i thought i saw jojo siwa.....no wait its ur hairline

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after

(and you thought this would be a joke

Yo forehead so big NASA thought it was mars

Gwen-Kind-Positive-Lends a Helping Hand- Stops Bullies- Does Most Helpful Work- Addison Banks- Positive Voicing-Stops Hurtful Words- ALYA-Powerful in Thought- Helps- But Sadly Is Gone- Prince-Always Backed Up Gwen- But Sadly Is Gone Too- watersharky-Helps When Needed-Backs Up Anyone- Curses When Needed- Helps People Through Depression-

These Are The Legends, There Are More Out There You Could Be One Too Just Lend a Helping Hand.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said “what happened to all the parents?” She sounded so confused so i told her “its only yours kid, they left you on purpose” she cried i felt bad for a second and the thought oh well time to back to my job at the orphanage

Attention- Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? Its strang because they havent said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess) Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD I just thought further into life with their relationship DON'T DO THAT. Agent Chipmunk Out

Why did Hellen Keller sign the n-word?

She thought she was black

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realised they didn't fit me around the waist so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waist of time.

2 men ran into a bar, you would have thought after the first one hit it the second one would have seen it

Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, and you thought you were looking at the grand canyon.

Somebody told me chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater.... He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read....

i just thought of the best invention ever a vape dildo

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”

Yo mama so stupid she thought Dunken Donuts was a basketball team.

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.