Thought jokes

I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.

Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?

Because he thought it said "Home Deport."

Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?

He thought his son sucked!

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought TikTok was an alarm setup.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

What's hard and hairy on the outside and soft and wet on the inside? Coconut, what were you thinking of?

Please encourage me to do suicide! ;P

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.

He thought it was eggcellent.

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Mountain Dew was a real mountain.

What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.