I thought god didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree
They thought their parents would catch them
Bully: YOU ARE SO STOOPID Classmate: does nothing Bully: OI, IM TALKING TO YOU Classmate: Oh you're talking to me, I thought you were talking to yourself.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Me: John what did he do earlier
John: hold on, I’m trying to think
Me: I thought I smelled poop
Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins
fat kid jumps in the pool. the popular girl: I thought there was going to be a tsunami. the fat kid: I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean.
your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer. I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with.
jamal- dads CAN grow on trees joseph
joseph- no they dont
jamal- yes they do. ive seen it
joseph- ...... thanks not what you thought it was
so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Hi guys. I am so happy and proud of myself and i thought i should share with you!! Today i saw myself on TV when i turned it off.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh.. I thought you saw inside the basement.."
"Wait, wha.."
"What?"
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral? She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision
i thought i saw a cool sticker on my office window, then i realized it was getting bigger and bigger
guy talking to an Indian therapist
he had a red dot and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said
"I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle"
Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks she thought she could buy a star
