Thought jokes
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
Your mama is so fat that when she went to run in a yellow jumpsuit, the kids thought they missed the school bus.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
I thought @$$hole Trump was a businessman, not a broke man.
My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?
Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.
People generalize others too much.
When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.
Yo mama so Irish that she thought the Chicago Shamrox were a Quadball team.
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
For so long, I thought I was a Gemini, apparently I'm Cancer!
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
Your forehead is so big that Mastermind thought you were his long lost brother!
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.