New Thought Jokes - Page 27 - Worst Jokes Ever

I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and i thought, huh, that's a little con-descending

One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

I got a chicken drum stick for lunch, thought I might DRUM up and appetite

The IRS came to this man's house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money that's been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man thought, "Maybe I need to get a lawyer." So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down, and the agent said, "There has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account, and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it." The man says, "Yes, I do. I'm a gambler." The agent says, "You gamble with that much money?" The man says, "Yes, I'll give you an example. Alright, I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my left eye." Agent says, "Alright, deal." The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agent says, "That's not fair." The man says, "I'll let you get your money back, or even more. I bet you $7,500 I can bite my right eye." The agent, thinking, "I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick," so the agent says, "Deal." The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says, "That's not fair." The man replies, "Alright, I have another one. You're down $12,500. I'll bet you $15,000, if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room, I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere." The agent says, "That's impossible, you've got a deal." The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk, and the agent says, "I got you!" He's laughing and happy that he finally beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face, and the agent asked, "What's wrong with you?" and the lawyer replies, "The man bet me $100,000 he could piss on your desk, and you'd just love it."

My wife was going to have a abortion and I have cancer Ha Ha Ha

I thought it was funny

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

Yo mama so stupid she thought a jigsaw meant dancing with a saw

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

yo mama so stupid she thought a donut was dough shaped like a nut

why did the blonde run outside naked? she thought the steam was a gas leak

Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.