This Jokes

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

"Hi, this is Dave's orphanage—you make it, we take it."

This is a true fact, the letter "F" in orphan stands for family.

Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:

"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."

Anyone know what bird that is?

You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).

Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!

if you like cats then you should like this post

A close up image of a cat with wide eyes staring at the viewer with text "who are you" above the cat.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

Continue.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

Guys, this has to stop. Let's tell their parents. Oh wait...

Hey guys,

I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...

Say "I hop in this:".

I made you eat your peas! 🤦

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”

I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!

Leave a like if you LOL at this joke!

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

I found this game, it's like flappy bird: https://terrorist.group/

Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"