This jokes

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

This is fucking cringe smd fuckers.

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"

This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.

But I realized I can't see him. LOL!

This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).

My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:

Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"

Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"

Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those that know binary and those that don't.