Things jokes
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Why do mountains contain things? Because their moun-tains.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
Past, present, and future walked into a bar... things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.