Things jokes
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Son: “Mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?”
Mother: “No Son, unless if he’s gay.”
Son: “So your friend is gay?”
Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»
Mother: “Mmm.. Yes.”
Father loudly: “YES!!!”
Mother: “What in the hell? Are you gay?”
Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me»
Father: “No what are saying? I’m just talking with myself.”
*A few hours later*
Mother: “I will go to visit my mother.”
Father: “Me too I will go to visit my mother.”
Son: “Not me too I will go to stud with my friends.”
The mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
No such thing as peados.... it’s all nonce-sense!
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon!
(9/11 joke)
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
What was the last thing on the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
...
...
Their knees.
*Ba dum tss*
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"