Thing jokes
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
Memes
Unless you wanna die
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
The thing my mom birthed.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
Jerry: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Charles: I dunno.
Jerry: Well, the flag is a big plus.