Thing jokes
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.
Why do men say funny things? Just to be silly!
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
Jerry: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Charles: I dunno.
Jerry: Well, the flag is a big plus.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!