Thing jokes
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
Hi, this is a good prank I did.
So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA
(Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)
Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.
*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
Do you know when the thing of you when the was is where you and if you when you where if I and you where in the thing is where yes?
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.
Primary School Maths Teacher: Maths has no Limits!
High School Maths Teacher: There's this thing called Limits.
Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"
The boy said, "No, I don't know."
She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"
The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"
She said to him, "No, who is she?"
He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."
The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.