Thing jokes
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Memes
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Jerry: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Charles: I dunno.
Jerry: Well, the flag is a big plus.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Those (DYM 96).
What’s the worst thing to happen to an orphan?
Well, they weren’t always orphans.
Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.