Thing jokes

I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.

NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".

SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.

WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.

If I agreed with Leo, then that wouldn’t solve anything. It would just make BOTH of us dumb.

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

To make tea, road, road, road, road.

Case.

The space of space, Der der.

The chosen week was chosen.

Object.

Der mezzer lakes.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

Why can you never trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.