Thing jokes
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Why do mountains contain things? Because their moun-tains.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
Past, present, and future walked into a bar... things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!