Thing jokes
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
If museums are full of dead things...
Then why aren't there any memes inside them?
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
What is the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a big plus!
The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:
"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣
Bender.
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.
Well, I have nothing.
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
Q: Why did the flat earther become gay?
A: He knows a thing or two about giving dome.
Q: Why did he eventually become asexual?
A: He doesn't believe in anything south of the border.