Thing jokes
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.