Thief jokes

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

To be wanted.

If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.

I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.

Someone stole my balls :(

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?

Yeah, it's called RobberBand.

The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!

A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.

The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?

Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!

What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?

One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.

Do you play Sea of Thieves? See if these balls fit in your mouth, gotteeeem!

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?

See if these nuts fit in your mouth.