Thief jokes
Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
Greg fucking steals toes!
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
Whoever took my dildo,
I hope you're having a good time.
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
I got a call from McDonald's; they want their sign back.
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
Who do you call someone that steals his brother's girlfriend and [is] disowned by his whole family? Brandon.
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.