How do emo kids complement each other?
They say, "I like ya cuts g."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.
if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?
Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
What do you call a group of Emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
What jumps and never let's go?
An Emo kid.
I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.
Dead.
Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?
The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
I went to visit my friend's sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him, he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn."
Suddenly, right in front of me, he passed. Later that night, I translated his last words, and they were, "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
