They jokes
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
Memes
Guys, it isn what we thou-
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
They say I'll mess up my insides, but I don't have any.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
How do emos compliment each other?
They say, "I like your cuts g."
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
- They see me rolling.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.