They jokes
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
Would you like to try African food?
They would too.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?
Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.