Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
They Jokes
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"
Ralphie: They put drugs in our medication?
Me: The medication is the drugs.
When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"
How do rappers stay organized?
They keep their rap sheets in order.
Why don’t rappers ever get lost?
They always have a NAVIGATOR dropping the beat.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni, but they got plain.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost the Twin Towers.
My friend lives in a caravan park. His parents named him Money because they thought it was a type of currency.
Why can't poor people write jokes?
Because they make no cents.
The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.
I like trees when they are firmly stuck in a hole. PS, your hole.
Pep called; they want their unpadded bra back.
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
Yo mama so fat when she asked for a bathtub, they put a blanket over an ocean!
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
