They jokes
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the only contraction they know.
Your momma's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean.
Why don't orphans do homework?
They don't have a home to do it in.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.
How did pioneers name Canada?
They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"
That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"
When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?
A: They always seem to cut a little too close.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations