I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
They Jokes
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have a touchy feeling for kids.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet all the koalifications!
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
Why do cheetahs always win?
Because they cheat!
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni pizza, and all they got was plane.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
Why can’t orphans play sports?
Because they don’t have a home team.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
Donald Trump and Fanta both have some things in common.
They are both orange and were conceived from Nazis!
