They jokes
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
Why can Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, and if they do, hit them with a shoe till they're all black and blue!
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"
Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."
Memes
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
Why are they called s’mores?
Because you always want another one!
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find a way home.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.
Let's just say Dawn got very mad.
There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."