They jokes
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
I don't trust atoms.
They make up everything.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.