They jokes
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
Why are theaters popular among cows?
They enjoy watching moovies.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.