They jokes
If you're in a roast battle with a homophobe and they are talking mad shit, just say:
"The only thing looser than your mouth is your asshole!"
So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.
Let's just say Dawn got very mad.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?
Because they are always so distant. :-]
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch some pail of water.
Jack came down, and then Jill came tumbling after, so they had a baby...
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"
The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."
After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.