They jokes
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
Why do seagulls not fly over the bay?
Because if they did, they'd be bay gulls.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Did you know all Canadians have the same blood type?
They all have blood "eh."
Why were the tenants of the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but they got PLANE.
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already.
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
Why do guys hold their ball sack when they run?
Because they don't have titties.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food!