Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because they were lost in the BEATS.
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?
Nothing, they both spout shit.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They wear their ice chains.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?
They blow themselves up.
We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.
Why did the rapper take up gardening?
Because they wanted to GROW their FLOW.
Why was the rapper always the life of the party?
Because they knew how to DROP the BEAT!
Why did the rapper go to the seafood restaurant?
Because he heard they had PHAT BASS.
Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always find their way with their flow.
How do rappers stay cool?
They use RAP-SICLES.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
