They jokes
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.
They're teaching my 1st grader pronouns! Today it was he/she/they. Tomorrow, you/are/is!
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.
Why can’t the USA play chess?
Because they lost their two towers.
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
Why can’t orphans go to jail? Because they aren’t wanted.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.