Thereness jokes
An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."
Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.
That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.
If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.
They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.
There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.
The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi:
"The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there."
😳
When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
Why is there more water than water, because water is water.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."
Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh?
Well why are there no Momtarts?
Because of the PASTRYarchy!
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?
When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.
Me: Knock knock.
Some dude on the street: Who's there?
Me: Whowhowho.
Dude: Whowhowho who?
Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Charlie.
Charlie who?
Charlie Brown! Good grief!
Knock knock.
Jou is there?
Why don't you speak English?