Thereness jokes
Why does America suck at chess? Because they already lost their two towers.
Why do midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Have you ever wondered why orphans hate milk?
'Cause their dad never came back with it.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
In Africa, a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty. The kangaroo said that when they have no water, they dig a hole and water comes out of it. Then the kangaroo dug, and in one minute the koala asked if there was any water. The kangaroo said no, and the koala had to wait for many minutes. Soon water came out of the hole, and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water. The kangaroo wanted water too, so he tried to pull out the koala, but instead, his tail got chopped off, and then they never became friends again.
I love to smell skunks, but I lick their stinky butt. It's delicious. My breath smells like fart.
Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.
I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Hey, are you bored? Kick an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their mummy?