Thereness jokes
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
Knock knock. Who is there? Poo. Poo who? Hey, I need ta go poooooooooooop!
I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!
Hi i thought this was funny i guess haha 💔⛓️
Knock knock. Who's there? You... You who? You smell like shit!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
There were 20 people in a box. There was not mushroom.
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shhhhhhhhhh.
Shhhhhhhhhh who?
Shhhhhhhhhhampoo!
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
China servers are up on Fortnite, yeah, check by there.
"China getting this dick in your mouth 😂"
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.
The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.
My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.
“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
I don't give two shits about how evil these are. They're funny.
I once went up to an orphan and they were crying, and I asked where their parents are, and they started crying more.