Thereness jokes

Information

    • I didn't ask: ❌

    I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

    Matter

    • Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?

    Bruce Lee was no joking matter.

  • 2

    • Alphabet

    • "There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"

    "No, it's 26."

    "Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."

    "You're missing one more."

    "I'll give you the D later."

    "....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."

    Thereness memes

    Rock

    • My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."

    Version

    • They are making new versions of the Star Wars films. The names have only just come out.

    There is Star Wars: Attack of the Trannies, Star Wars: The Trannie Awakens, Star Wars: Rogue Trannie, Star Wars: The LGBTQ Strikes Back, and then there is Star Wars: The Last Straight Man.

  • 2

    • Hell

    • This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

    God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

  • 1

    • Patient

    • A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

    She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

    "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

    "Are - my - test - results - back?"

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.

  • 1

    • Suicide

    • Me, calls the police*

    Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!

    Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.

    Me: Why, so you can then stop me?

    Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!

    Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!

    Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

  • 1

    • Orphanage

    • A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

  • 1

    • Couple

    • A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?

    The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.

    The gay couple was still packing their shit.

  • 1

    • Advice

    • Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

    Tampon

    • Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?

    A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.

  • 0