Thereness jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop who?
Knock knock. Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colonisation!
Just kidding, colonisers don't knock before they come in.
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.
The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Island.
Island who?
Island the one that knows you!
I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.
Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
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There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.
What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?
The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)
The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)
Thanks for reading this...bye!
Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to the countryside?
A: There’s no signal.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Akeld." "Akeld who?" "Assfeild!"
I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.