Thereness jokes
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
Fuck off!
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay person's house!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Nonye.
Nonye who?
Nonye buisness.
What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?
The Twin Towers.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?
They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bad joke.
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."