Thereness jokes
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?
There is sperm on the computer screen.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.
All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?
When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
fr though
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bikini.
Bikini who?
Oh, that was just a bikini.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
How do parents punish their blind kid? They move the bed.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
What's an orphan's favorite game?
GTA, because they're actually wanted? Lol.