Thereness jokes
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My name is Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you!
If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
Hello there!
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Me.
Me who?
Not me.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Nobody, because chickens don't talk."
The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.
The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.
There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.
Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.
So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.
But don't worry, he is all right now.
Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "I'm." "I'm who?" "I'm a joke!"
So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.
That’s the punch line.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gay.
Gay who?
You're gay.
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.