Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
Steven Hawking said there is no God, Then God said there is no Steven Hawking
There's no "I" in team but there is a "U" in cunt
If you push some one that's bullying, if you kill some one that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Me: Knock knock....Friend: who's there? Me: I don't know anymore
"Knock knock." Orphan: "Who's there?" "Not your parents."
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
yo mamma so fat when God said let there be light he was just asking her to get out the way
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? -- They both want to get there before the hare does.
why r vaginas and the Mariana trench similar lots of seamen goes missing there
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two now they're a sensitive topic.
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me repeating a year. Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you? ----- Then there is me: My life.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr Baker was probably a baker. Mr Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr Dickinson....
