Thereness jokes
"Princess, you there? :("
Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.
Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!
When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"
And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."
Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."
And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"
And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"
And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"
And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.
There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.
Ya know, genders are kind of like the Twin Towers.
There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a touchy subject.
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
Prince, are you there?
Why is there a 76 button on a bottle of ketchup?
To bring sweet luck.
What's the best thing about 23 year olds? There are twenty of them.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Why do birds fly upside down over Poland?
There's nothing worth shitting on.
Sally fell off the swing.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Momma?
Momma who?
Big Momma!
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
Man 1: Knock knock.
Man 2: Who's there?
Man 1: Ice.
Man 2: Ice who?
Man 1: I crushed your head.
Freshfry, are you there? I really want to talk to you!
Love, Gwen.
You walk into a room, and there’s a lot of people waiting in line to punch you... Yeah, that’s the punchline.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"