There jokes

Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.

I've sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there's no space on their training program.

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: At home...

Teacher: What's it doing there?

Student: Having a better time than me.

What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?

There’s 20 of them.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

Sex is like math.

Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.

There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.

If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.

Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?

A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?