There jokes

Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.

There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

Why are people in Japan so thin?

Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.

There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill,

And now there's little Frankey.