Them jokes

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.

Why do humans hate aliens?

Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!

Parents are like food—not all kids get them.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

Why do basketball players hate gravity?

Because it's always bringing them down.

What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?

John fucked them both in the rear.

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?

You shove them on!

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:

You) I 1 poopoo

(Them) I 2 poopoo

(You) I 3 poopoo

(Them) I 4 poopoo

(You) I 5 poopoo

(Them) I 6 poopoo

(You) I 7 poopoo

(Them) I 8 poopoo

And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.