Them jokes
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...
"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One of them gets picked.
Q: How do you make an emo kid happy?
A: Give them a Happy Meal.
What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?
There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.
There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.