I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
Them Jokes
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
βThey are all very tearable,β he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, βHello from the other side!β
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.
God, I love working at an orphanage!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them. ππ
What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?
There are 40 of them.
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
Why canβt orphans play catch?
They never had a dad to teach them.
I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.
I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.
They said: "Because I lost my parents."
I said: "Let's find them."
They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
Why do basketball players love cookies so much?
Because they can dunk them!
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
Trump likes to grab 'em by the pussy. Putin likes to grab them by their tiny hands.
Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. ππ:'(:':πππΏππππ:(
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
People are like tequila glasses,
you gotta shoot them down fast.
