Them jokes

Rapist

When I was very young...

My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.

They are rapists now.

Guy

These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"

The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"

Family

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

Kid

Funny jokes are like kids with autism.

They have special needs to make them.

Baby

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?

Memes

Wheelchair

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.

A yellow sign with black stripes. It says "Attention" at the top, followed by "Husband and wheelchair missing!" and "Reward for wheelchair". At the bottom there is small print "follow me on Instagram for more @goingonectwicesold".

Pineapple

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

Difference

What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?

They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.

Uh!!!

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  • Woman

    Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.

    Train

    What's the difference between China and New York City?

    In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

    Orphan

    How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

    Make them clap until their parents come back.

    Plant

    What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

    Friend

    I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

    Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

    Piece

    I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

    P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

    Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

    “They are all very tearable,” he replied.

    Well, there is one person who gets it!

    Peter Pan

    Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

    Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

    Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

    How do trees access the internet? They log in.

    Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

    Orphanage

    I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.

    God, I love working at an orphanage!

    Baby

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

    It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈

    Sex

    What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?

    There are 40 of them.

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  • Yolk

    My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.

    If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.

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