Them jokes

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

Q. Why do orphans love elevators?

A. Because they're the only things to raise them.

Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

A: Neither of them get to see their parents.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...

I have no beef with them.

I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

Everybody loves guns!

Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.