Them jokes
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because no one will call them daddy.
I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.