Them jokes
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
Memes
shrek has a potato for a nose
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.
Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.