Them jokes
Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...
They're both plastic and kids turn them on.
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail? A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them, "Where are your parents?" Then she cried harder, so I left the orphanage.
Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"
What do orphans and Trump supporters have in common?
No one likes them.
Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.
Q: What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
A: One of them gets picked.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.