Them jokes
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
This isn’t a joke. Quiet kid jokes are so cliché. Like since when was there an original quiet kid joke like smh. Doesn’t help because I’m a quiet kid and people act as if I’m so dangerous and it’s like the only thing they say to me. Being judged as some big bad monster for being AN INTROVERT!! These jokes used to be funny to me, but now I’m just sick of them...
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.
I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.
Have you seen all the pants with crazy designs on them? I mean, britches be crazy!
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
Did you know emos are the highest jumpers? Some of them are still in the air.
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Hey so I like orphan jokes, and some of them are fun, but I think that's engonp.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.
Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.
Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.
Nathan: WE-WE
Alicia: WEE-WEE?
Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes
Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u
Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*
Alicia: *WEIRD*
Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose
Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess
cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou
nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy
cuugh umm
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail? A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.