Them jokes
I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?
One of them is used.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
Words that have "ho" in them:
Thot
Whore
Asshole
Horrible
Horena (my ex gf)
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.