Them jokes
All of them suck.
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater, she sits next to everyone.
I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.
I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still falling.
Bick: Jesus isn't real.
Ron: Yes, He is.
Bick: Prove it, bitch.
Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.
Bick: Wh-?
Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!
The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.
Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.
Bick: Told you Jesus was real.
Satan: Get to work, slaves.
Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.